Unanswered Prayers

Dear Sam, Isaac and Alex,

Happy birthday, my boys. I cannot believe that you are one year old today. We celebrated with cupcakes, playtime, and lots of cuddles for sick little ones.

It seems fitting that we spent much of today holding you. This time last year we couldn't hold you enough. Your little heads fit in the palm of Daddy's hand, and you fit neatly on my arm between my elbow and wrist.

Today I have been thinking about your birth, and the entire amazing experience of being pregnant with the three of you all at once. And I keep coming back to one thing over and over.

I remember talking to the nurse at the doctor's office after we had blood work done to confirm the pregnancy. She told me that my hormone level was very high and that it was probably multiples.

I laughed her off. "You told me that with Amelia, too. My hormones must just run high."

She responded, "I thought of that, so I checked. Your hormone level is more than three times as high as it was with Amelia at about this same point in your pregnancy."

I paused. "So, twins?"

She paused. "At least twins."

What? I took a couple deep breaths. When I got off the phone I started searching for information on multiple pregnancies and hormone levels. I recalculated over and over when we had gotten pregnant. Everything pointed to the fact that my hormone levels were off the charts for twins, but in range for triplets.

I confess that I prayed for twins. Triplets just boggled my mind. Twins, I could handle. But three babies at once? My prayers were feverish and fervent and foolish.

And God, in His infinite wisdom, did not answer them. He knew that there should be three of you. He knew that your Daddy and I were born for this purpose. He knew that all three of you had a special place in this world.

He knew.

How small is our fear beside His greatness.

Even before you were born, I could not have parted with one of you. Before we ever met you, we knew you and loved you.

There's a song that says:

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

Remember when you're talking to the man upstairs,

that just because He doesn't answer doesn't mean He don't care.

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

I thank God every day that each of you is here.

Sam, with your wild red hair and the best belly laugh. Isaac, with your fearless attitude and soulful eyes. Alex, with your loud voice and ever-present smile.

You are answers to a prayer I could never fathom praying. A prayer that only God could have known. And I am so grateful that He gave each of you to us.

I love you Sam.

I love you Isaac.

I love you Alex.

Always,

Mama