The other morning when Amelia left the house with her daddy I told her to have a good day. She said, "You, too, Mama, and no biting my brothers."
Amelia had her own issues with biting almost a year ago, but they are a distant memory now. So I'm not sure why she felt the need to tell me that. (Perhaps I snapped at her -- figuratively, of course -- one too many times the night before?) But, as it is always good advice to not bite others I thanked her and assured her I wouldn't.
And I didn't.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Miss Manners, or Should That Be Mis-manners?
This post has been brewing for a long time, really ever since I first started to share with the world that I was pregnant with triplets. I'm motivated to put it out there now as the one-year anniversary of this journey rolls around.
I realize that triplets are not an everyday occurrence, and I am getting used to the fact that we will create a scene wherever we go. But what I cannot get used to (and refuse to, for the sake of civility, at a minimum!), is how total strangers will now ask me how my children were conceived.
The question comes in many forms: Did you use drugs? Do multiples run in your family? Did you do IVF? Did you use fertility treatments? Are they natural?
(The last is my personal favorite as it gives me the opportunity to respond with a snappy, "No, they are made of space-age polymer. It's machine washable and very durable.")
However it is phrased, what everyone is really asking is how we conceived our kids. That question is pretty personal even for close friends and family, but complete strangers? Grocery store cashiers, waitresses and other moms at the pediatrician's office? It's the very definition of rude.
I am not naive, but I was taken aback by this the first few times. I guess I thought there was still some civility and common courtesy in the world. Do people really not realize how rude their questions are? Miss Manners would have a fit. Oh, and if you find yourself starting a question with, "Do you mind if I ask..." rest assured that it is a question you shouldn't be asking.
There are plenty of families with multiples who are out there telling (and selling!) their stories for all to hear. Go watch TLC's "Jon & Kate Plus 8" or check out the latest appearance by octomom Nadya Suleman if you want intimate details about someone's multiple conception. Unfortunately, too many people take the sharing of these stories as license to ask the rest of us multi-mamas (and papas) anything they want to know.
Don't get me wrong. I have no objection to Jon and Kate Gosselin or any other family sharing their story. That is their choice. If they didn't want the world to know, they wouldn't be on television. But their stories shouldn't make it open season on every family with multiples who just wants to take their kids to the zoo or get the grocery shopping done.
Since we had our triplets, we have gotten to know a lot of parents of multiples. Some conceived their multiples without fertility assistance and some didn't, but all of them have to deal with this question. Everyone has different ways of handling it.
One dad of triplets likes to respond with a perfectly deadpanned, "I have super sperm." He says it never fails to end the conversation.
Some moms who dealt with infertility, like to respond with "Why do you ask?" This leaves the door open for a conversation about struggling with infertility, if the person asking is going through that struggle themselves or knows someone who is. It is also designed to embarrass the person who is asking because they are just curious, though I doubt that ever works. If they had that kind of sensitivity and manners, they wouldn't ask in the first place.
When I'm feeling nice I respond by telling people that I am a twin. I have a fraternal twin sister, and it is relevant to the conversation, but it doesn't really answer the question. It's a little like answering the question, "Do you like dogs?" by saying, "My grandma has a parakeet." But, people generally draw their own conclusions and move on to politer, more appropriate conversation.
When I'm feeling less benevolent, I like to take the opportunity to answer in a way that will make said stranger think twice about asking anyone else that question. It goes like this:
Stranger: [Insert insensitive, inappropriate question about my triplets' conception here.]
Me: Well, since we really don't know each other, it's a little personal to ask how my babies were conceived, but if you must know. My daughter had severe acid reflux and was a horrible sleeper until she was 18 months old. When she finally started to sleep through the night, my husband and I were just full of energy, so one afternoon...
Generally, the uncomfortable TMI (too much information) look comes across the stranger's face and you can see them wishing they had never asked the question. Which is exactly the result I'm after. Perhaps, at a minimum, I've made them think twice about asking the question of someone else. If nothing else, I feel better.
The short variation on this theme is to smile sweetly and say, "If my husband isn't questioning how they were conceived, why should you?"
[Sigh.] Miss Manners has a lot of work to do.
I realize that triplets are not an everyday occurrence, and I am getting used to the fact that we will create a scene wherever we go. But what I cannot get used to (and refuse to, for the sake of civility, at a minimum!), is how total strangers will now ask me how my children were conceived.
The question comes in many forms: Did you use drugs? Do multiples run in your family? Did you do IVF? Did you use fertility treatments? Are they natural?
(The last is my personal favorite as it gives me the opportunity to respond with a snappy, "No, they are made of space-age polymer. It's machine washable and very durable.")
However it is phrased, what everyone is really asking is how we conceived our kids. That question is pretty personal even for close friends and family, but complete strangers? Grocery store cashiers, waitresses and other moms at the pediatrician's office? It's the very definition of rude.
I am not naive, but I was taken aback by this the first few times. I guess I thought there was still some civility and common courtesy in the world. Do people really not realize how rude their questions are? Miss Manners would have a fit. Oh, and if you find yourself starting a question with, "Do you mind if I ask..." rest assured that it is a question you shouldn't be asking.
There are plenty of families with multiples who are out there telling (and selling!) their stories for all to hear. Go watch TLC's "Jon & Kate Plus 8" or check out the latest appearance by octomom Nadya Suleman if you want intimate details about someone's multiple conception. Unfortunately, too many people take the sharing of these stories as license to ask the rest of us multi-mamas (and papas) anything they want to know.
Don't get me wrong. I have no objection to Jon and Kate Gosselin or any other family sharing their story. That is their choice. If they didn't want the world to know, they wouldn't be on television. But their stories shouldn't make it open season on every family with multiples who just wants to take their kids to the zoo or get the grocery shopping done.
Since we had our triplets, we have gotten to know a lot of parents of multiples. Some conceived their multiples without fertility assistance and some didn't, but all of them have to deal with this question. Everyone has different ways of handling it.
One dad of triplets likes to respond with a perfectly deadpanned, "I have super sperm." He says it never fails to end the conversation.
Some moms who dealt with infertility, like to respond with "Why do you ask?" This leaves the door open for a conversation about struggling with infertility, if the person asking is going through that struggle themselves or knows someone who is. It is also designed to embarrass the person who is asking because they are just curious, though I doubt that ever works. If they had that kind of sensitivity and manners, they wouldn't ask in the first place.
When I'm feeling nice I respond by telling people that I am a twin. I have a fraternal twin sister, and it is relevant to the conversation, but it doesn't really answer the question. It's a little like answering the question, "Do you like dogs?" by saying, "My grandma has a parakeet." But, people generally draw their own conclusions and move on to politer, more appropriate conversation.
When I'm feeling less benevolent, I like to take the opportunity to answer in a way that will make said stranger think twice about asking anyone else that question. It goes like this:
Stranger: [Insert insensitive, inappropriate question about my triplets' conception here.]
Me: Well, since we really don't know each other, it's a little personal to ask how my babies were conceived, but if you must know. My daughter had severe acid reflux and was a horrible sleeper until she was 18 months old. When she finally started to sleep through the night, my husband and I were just full of energy, so one afternoon...
Generally, the uncomfortable TMI (too much information) look comes across the stranger's face and you can see them wishing they had never asked the question. Which is exactly the result I'm after. Perhaps, at a minimum, I've made them think twice about asking the question of someone else. If nothing else, I feel better.
The short variation on this theme is to smile sweetly and say, "If my husband isn't questioning how they were conceived, why should you?"
[Sigh.] Miss Manners has a lot of work to do.
In the Beginning
One year ago today, I found out I was pregnant again. Jeff and I were thrilled at the news. Little did we know that this was what God had planned for us!
Sam, Isaac & Alex
Monday, February 23, 2009
Jelly Doughnuts
The last couple of days my kids have been like jelly doughnuts -- sweet, but no matter how carefully you handle them some goo is going to come out.
And remember, if it doesn't work the first time you can always reapply!
Which leads me to a couple product recommendations:
1. Woolite Oxy Deep carpet cleaner -- The best spot cleaner for carpet I've found. Not only does it take care of the spit-up like a charm, it took out some older stains of unknown origin that I had tried unsuccessfully to remove with a different brand.
1. Woolite Oxy Deep carpet cleaner -- The best spot cleaner for carpet I've found. Not only does it take care of the spit-up like a charm, it took out some older stains of unknown origin that I had tried unsuccessfully to remove with a different brand.
2. Kirkland household wipes -- This is a Costco product and comes in a three pack. Every time they are on sale I stock up. They are great for sanitizing door knobs, bathrooms and kitchens, but also for cleaning toys, the exersaucer, and the changing table following a particularly ill-timed diaper change...
3. OxiClean laundry spot remover -- The overenthusiastic Ron Popeil wanna-be who hawks this stuff on TV isn't exaggerating. It gets everything out. I keep a bottle upstairs to spray the worst stains as soon as I can. And I keep another bottle downstairs in the laundry room to catch anything I missed. It all comes out clean as a whistle.
And after a long day with triplets that requires the use of these three products, I recommend this:
And remember, if it doesn't work the first time you can always reapply!
Friday, February 20, 2009
About That Laundry
Everyone in this house has had at least two complete changes of clothes since getting out of their jammies. Some have had three.
I'll spare you the details.
Excuse me while I start another load of laundry.
I'll spare you the details.
Excuse me while I start another load of laundry.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Zen of Laundry
Laundry is one of those tasks that is never done. No matter how hard I try there is always something waiting to be washed, dried, folded, ironed or put away. I can wash all day long and think the job is complete, but new laundry magically appears. There's the dishrag that didn't get put in with the last load, the socks and undies we're all wearing, or the shirt that just got spit up on.
I'm sure laundry teaches us some deep lesson about permanence and eternity. It certainly feels permanent and eternal.
I recently read that, despite our modern conveniences, we spend MORE time doing laundry than our grandmothers did. This is because we have more clothes, and we wash them far more often. I don't know about you, but I rarely wear the same dress all week before I wash it.
I DO, however, have a strict one towel a week rule in my house. It's something that was drummed into me growing up as one of eight kids. (You can have two if you're working out or doing a really dirty home improvement project that involves the crawl space or attic.) If you were doing laundry for 10 people, believe me, you'd make that rule, too. Besides, these days can't I claim it's a "green" practice? Yeah, that's it. It's about the environment, not about creating less work for me.
I am doing a lot more laundry these days, though the job is definitely made easier thanks to the spiffy new high-capacity washer and dryer I bought on my infamous trip to Home Depot. (Their electric cart died and I had to roll my very pregnant self around the appliance section on an office chair).
Doing more laundry has yet to elevate me to a higher spiritual plane, but I sure am glad I don't have to run it all through the wringer and hang it on the line to dry.
One must come to accept that laundry and the state of doing laundry are continuous.
There is peace in acceptance.
Then again, maybe I just need to put the cap back on the bleach.
I'm sure laundry teaches us some deep lesson about permanence and eternity. It certainly feels permanent and eternal.
I recently read that, despite our modern conveniences, we spend MORE time doing laundry than our grandmothers did. This is because we have more clothes, and we wash them far more often. I don't know about you, but I rarely wear the same dress all week before I wash it.
I DO, however, have a strict one towel a week rule in my house. It's something that was drummed into me growing up as one of eight kids. (You can have two if you're working out or doing a really dirty home improvement project that involves the crawl space or attic.) If you were doing laundry for 10 people, believe me, you'd make that rule, too. Besides, these days can't I claim it's a "green" practice? Yeah, that's it. It's about the environment, not about creating less work for me.
I am doing a lot more laundry these days, though the job is definitely made easier thanks to the spiffy new high-capacity washer and dryer I bought on my infamous trip to Home Depot. (Their electric cart died and I had to roll my very pregnant self around the appliance section on an office chair).
Doing more laundry has yet to elevate me to a higher spiritual plane, but I sure am glad I don't have to run it all through the wringer and hang it on the line to dry.
One must come to accept that laundry and the state of doing laundry are continuous.
There is peace in acceptance.
Then again, maybe I just need to put the cap back on the bleach.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Miles of Thanks
There have been so many people who have been a HUGE help to us during my pregnancy and now with the boys. I could say "thank you" for years to come and never begin to express how grateful we are to everyone for their help.
I'd like to thank the Academy, and my parents, and the best director ever... wait, this isn't my Oscar speech!
This is my thanks to Beth and Kim who have been coming every couple of weeks for a few hours to let me get out of the house and do whatever. Today they came bearing diapers and a crockpot full of supper. And they came in just a lovin' my boys almost as much as I do.
It doesn't get any better than that.
I ran some errands, got a much-needed adjustment from the chiropractor, and then went grocery shopping. It was a pleasure to pick out my own produce during daylight hours instead of at 10 p.m. when all my little ones are in bed.
All moms deserve this kind of a break once in a while, but few are lucky enough to get it. I'm fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life, and "thank you" seems inadequate, but it's all I've got.
So thanks, Beth and Kim. You guys rock!
I'd like to thank the Academy, and my parents, and the best director ever... wait, this isn't my Oscar speech!
This is my thanks to Beth and Kim who have been coming every couple of weeks for a few hours to let me get out of the house and do whatever. Today they came bearing diapers and a crockpot full of supper. And they came in just a lovin' my boys almost as much as I do.
It doesn't get any better than that.
I ran some errands, got a much-needed adjustment from the chiropractor, and then went grocery shopping. It was a pleasure to pick out my own produce during daylight hours instead of at 10 p.m. when all my little ones are in bed.
All moms deserve this kind of a break once in a while, but few are lucky enough to get it. I'm fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life, and "thank you" seems inadequate, but it's all I've got.
So thanks, Beth and Kim. You guys rock!
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